After several days of violence broke out across America, the White House called together an impromptu press conference between holes at the Pinewood Golf Course so President Obama and Vice President Biden could address the current spiraling situation in the United States.
A the President took to the podium many were surprised as he issued an apology to those he believes may have misunderstood his words over the past 7 1/2 years, “Listen folks, I apologize to anyone that misunderstood the left wing ideal of promoting racial, sexual, religious, and economic divisions the last 7 1/2 years. All you all were focusing on jobs and the economy, and let’s face it, that wasn’t working to well for me, so I thought if I could just stir you guys up a bit, fighting amongst yourselves you wouldn’t be worrying about silly stuff like ISIS, unemployment, failed healthcare. Y’all weren’t supposed to go shooting each other up, you were just supposed to get mad and vote for us. So again, sorry for the division, I just thought it would drum up votes.”
Vice President Biden also chimed in and said, “In all honesty we were just half kidding when we pitted Christians against homosexuals, blacks against whites, rich against poor, heck I even wrote in my diary, ‘Man the public is taking this stuff way too serious’. When it all comes down to it, we need to love one another, I think what the President is really trying to say is, let’s all come together as one and blame guns.”
Reporters were not allowed followup questions as the President was on a tight schedule and late for his afternoon golf lessons with famed golfer Dorf.
Note, Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was also scheduled to attend press conference but unintentionally deleted her itenary.