Split Jail Time/Release For California Rapist Beach Goers

Like many states, California has had to get creative to stay on top of the rapidly changing world due to the Wutang Virus crisis.

While the state has been releasing thousands of rapist, thieves, and drug dealers from jail, at the same time they have also been jailing store owners, beach goers, and church members who fail to follow social distancing, facial covering and stay at home orders.

So what happens if a freed rapist refuses to keep his distance on the beach. Governor Gavin Newsome has come up with a unique approach. “What we did is come up with a mathematical formula to decide how much of the original sentence for rape was, in comparison to the sentence for lack of social distancing.”

“So for example, let’s say you were a serial rapist that beat, raped, and robbed 13 women, and you were sentenced to 30 years in prison and you are out of prison due to the virus. Now while out you decided to do something horrendous, like sunbath on a beach. While that would normally get you 30 days in jail, we don’t want you to feel like you are being punished for the rape. So what we are proposing in a case like that is to have the offender report to jail for 12 minutes a day for the next 30 days. We think this is a common sense solution”.

“It’s important to punish the real criminals, those who don’t follow vague, and ever changing instructions, based off of consistently failing and changing prediction models, not the innocent people who may have accidentally serial raped or something like that.”

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