Manfred Denies Pete Rose, MLB Integrity Intact

Major League Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred finally ruled Monday on Hit King Pete Rose’s bid for reinstatement to baseball from his lifetime ban.

Manfred stated, “Today we have ruled on the reinstatement bid for Pete Rose and have decided to deny it. I could not in good conscience allow even the slightest chance that the game of baseball’s integrity be influenced by gambling, cheating, or even the appearance of betting on baseball, and frankly Mr. Rose’s close associations with casinos, and gambling could tarnish our image.”

The commissioner did not want the press conference to cover entirely negative subject matter, and took the opportunity to introduce MLB role models Barry Bonds (Miami Marlins hitting coach) and Mark McGwire (San Diego Padres bench coach). “Today, I would like to announce our newest health initiative. When I was a kid growing up, there was a great campaign for orange juice, called ‘It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore’, the program led millions of kids to seek a healthy alternative in beverages. Our initiative is launched in the same light, it’s called ‘Juiced To Win’, and these two fine example of baseball integrity will lead up that campaign. Barry and Mark both are fine example of what you can accomplish if you can find a way to inject just a little juice into your daily diet.”

The commissioner continued, “I ask that you all remember to support our sponsor DraftKings, please check out their web site and place your wager today to help continue financing the integrity of MLB baseball”.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.