A local man was found dead in his apartment today following yesterday’s snowstorm. Police suspect that a lack of milk and bread in his apartment during the snow storm could be the cause of death.
The man’s name was Calvin Seaum, and from all accounts he was a normal healthy adult prior to the storm. “Cal was a great guy, energetic, and a fitness nut, but he was very stubborn, everyone told him a storm was coming, he refused to go to the store and get milk and bread.” said one neighbor.
Doctors say it is essential to stock up on as much bread and milk as possible if a storm is approaching, “While the medical community doesn’t know exactly why the human body needs milk and bread during storms, we know it’s vital. You should stock up on as much as possible. 2 or 3 jugs of milk at least. As many loaves of bread as you can fit in a cart”, explained Dr. Dee Troight from the Hellman Clinic. “If your local store is out of milk, get eggs, get cheese, anything perishable is better than nothing, and for goodness sakes, get as much as you can!”
Police fear this won’t be the last victim they discover this winter, “There’s always some nut, pardon my French, that thinks a pantry full of canned goods, and pop tarts will get them through.”