CNN To Lay Off 99 Percent Of Staff Following Mueller Probe

CNN announced today that they will be laying off 95% of their staff.

The move comes as the Robert Mueller probe of President Donald Trump has concluded. According to CNN, the absence of daily conjecture on the Mueller probe will account for the loss of 23 1/2 hours of airtime.

The station plans to fill those 23 1/2 hours with pictures of kittens. Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper will co-host the 1/2 nightly news program focusing on whatever else news stuff cable news channel people used to cover. Wolf Blitzer is currently napping and his fate will be decided when he wakes up.

CNN has denied rumors that they plan to thaw out the body of Larry King for a late night return.

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